We all have a moment (or moments) in our lives in which we find ourselves asking: Am I normal?

       I’ve answered that question long ago (I’m guessing the answer isn’t much of a secret), and so I began to ask myself… How abnormal are other people? Do they button their shirts from the bottom to the top or from the top to the bottom? How many times do they chew? How do they like their eggs? These questions can tell you a lot about someone. Never trust someone who prefers eggs boiled rather than scrambled (NEVER!).

    Therefore, I took on a very complex and highly structured sociological study (I know this isn’t true, and you know this isn’t true, but it sounds really cool and smart, so just roll with it). I decided to name it “The Weirdo Experiment”, and it regards:

1.     The way people view humanity;

2.   The way people look at their future;

3.   People’s definition of stupid.

     My initial conclusion was: “Jesus Christ, Mary and Joseph, what kind of people am I dealing with?”

I’ll explain. I approached several people in a very sweet and annoying delightful manner and asked them to answer two questions and to perform a task.

1.  The Human Steak Question

     Imagine you’re halfway through the best steak of your life. It is the Holy Graal of stakes; the best thing you have ever tasted, that steak is Heaven’s gift to you.
Then, someone tells you’re eating HUMAN MEAT. Human meat, yes. But you don’t know whose. Do you keep eating?
*Note that you are NOT eating your mother – this seemed to be some people’s instant concern.

         This has been a motive of discussion between me and my friend Poison Ivy. Since I’m a decent human being, I wouldn’t eat another bite and would probably throw up what I had eaten. Since she’s a terrible meat eater with no conscience, she would continue with her meal of human steak.

Well, 72% WOULD NOT KEEP EATING, which obviously means that 28% would. I know who they are and fully intend to stay away from them, since I have no desire to be marinated, cooked and later on eaten by a fan of Dr. Hannibal-the-Cannibal.

2. The Book of your life Question

Imagine you’re on the street. Then, suddenly, a stranger hands you a book and leaves. As you read it, you understand that it is the history of your whole life: past, present and future; from cradle to grave. Do you read it to the end?

This was a more controversial question. 57% answered yes, and the remaining answered no. I truly believe that those who said they would read it are just courageous fools. I’d rather be in the chicken side and make no apologies for not wanting to find out whether I’ll die run over by a truck or with a fork jammed in my brain as a consequence of a heated struggle (although that would be sort of dramatic and cool).

3. The Dummy Challenge

This is where things get interesting.

I approached people from different ages, social classes, ethnicities and both genders and told them all the following:

“Please close your eyes, count to twenty out loud skipping all even numbers, while clapping your hands alternately – one “normal” clap followed by one clap behind your back and repeat.

I told everyone that I wanted to see if they could perform the task and how easily since during  it there are two areas in the brain that are struggling with one another – the part responsible for motor functions and the part related to math and sequences.

Out of 32 people, not a single one refused.  No one. Zero.

The real experiment wasn’t what I told them. I didn’t care if they could or couldn’t do it. I just wanted to see if they would try.

The dummy challenge consisted on finding out if most people would do something stupid if they were given a good reason to do it. And they did!!

I’d probably do it even if no one tried to sell me the brain parts conflict bogus, but it’s comforting to find out that I’m not the only believer in this world.

Now that people know I’ve deceived them, I’ll probably hide at home from the angry mob with torches and pitchforks.

I’ll see you another day. and by the way, I’m not even remotely sorry for the ridiculously large post.

The Joker,

Sophie Grey

Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it. 
- Samuel Butler

Hi there sweeties, have you been good? I bet you haven’t, and that’s just how I like you.

Today I must dive into the waters of art. Luckily for me, it is Pop art, so the water won’t be very deep nor troubled (something resembling a children’s pool, minus the urine).

So, searching for a work to analyze, I came across the most brilliant piece of Pop art the world has ever seen. It will blow your mind away. It is The Joy of Good Eating, painted in 195 by Nat White - that crazy man.

Please click the link to envision the masterpiece of my inspiration: http://www.plan59.com/av/av139.htm.

So, is it beautiful or what? First of all, I’d like you all to take note of the vibrant, warm colors. That sort of orange look of it instantly catches your eye. And besides that it appeals to the masses because let’s face, how smart do you have to be to understand it? The kid is eating Van Camp’s Pork and Beans. He obviously likes Van Camp’s Pork and Beans. Message? Van Camp’s Pork and Beans is good, and everyone should buy it. I mean, yes, he looks like the lovechild of Chucky and that scary girl from The Ring that comes out of the well, and yes, if I had to guess I’d say he was eating human flesh and eyeballs instead of pork and beans, but so what? That just makes it more beautiful and freaky which obviously catches your eye.

Maybe the kids from the 50s were all sort of creepy looking. That would make sense: parents would look at this and say “Awww, this looks like my serial-killer-look-a-like son! Let’s buy whatever he’s eating”. It makes sense to me. If it doesn’t make sense to you I respect your opinion since I can’t force you to be right.

All of the above make Pop art a very relatable form of art. This picture might have been reproduced a million times and still be considered art. Art was cheap (which is sort of ironic since this was a decade of economic prosperity). Art was whatever you wanted it to be. Feel like stealing a road sign and putting it in your living room? That’s art. And it wasn’t only cheap, affordable, mass produced and relatable, it was also fun! The art world desperately needed more fun (Pop art was also sexy, but I’m not sure that characteristic applies to this work in particular…)

Anyway, I’m sure the creepy-as-hell kid has a blast eating human flesh. In fact, he even got a girlfriend: http://www.plan59.com/av/av115.htm.

So, never forget that everything is art, whether it’s a demonic looking kid or just a blob of paint on a canvas that’s worth thousands of dollars.

The Joker,

Sophie Grey

Note: I thought that you should all know that I write all my blog texts at night; and to write this post I was compelled to research pictures of the creepy girl from The Ring. At midnight. Alone in my room. Who needs sleep anyway?

“The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally, no one wants to live any other way.” 

― Judith Martin

       Hellooo, it’s been a while, I missed you all!

     Once again I find myself rambling about cinema, the art of the the dreamers and the lunatics. The last movie I’ve seen is called “Rebel Without a Cause”. I can’t really say I've identified with the plot, since I’m just a docile girl with an internet connection (ok, maybe I’m semi docile…).

     Anyway, not that the world needed a confirmation, but girls really do prefer bad boys, since they all went nuts over James Dean. I swear to God I’d rather face an angry gorilla by myself that a horde of obsessed, maniac teen fans with a bucket of grenades. Those little things just scare the hell out of me.

    This is basically a movie that brings out all the problems teenagers went through in the 50's. The movie is about Jim (James Dean, sexier than ever), who is already tired of moving from town to town with his nag of a mother and his ‘mush’ of a father. Let’s just say they weren’t exactly living the American Dream. So, as soon as they arrive to yet another town, he goes all Lindsey Lohan and decides to have a little too much fun with his buddy Alcohol and gets arrested for being drunk out of his mind. During the initial scene at the Police Station, we can clearly see that Jim’s family makes the Kardashians look like a functional, healthy family, and that says a lot. While they’re at the police station, he sees a girl his age crying like a dam (Judy), and a young boy (Plato), accompanied by an older lady.

      Later on, at school, he encounters both Judy and Plato at school, falling in love with the girl and becoming best friends with the boy. I can’t really say I was surprised since this wasn’t much of a plot twist (but I’ll give it a break since this is a movie from the 50’s and by then Hollywood hadn’t yet used this history line millions of times). Anyway, as a bad boy, Jim naturally gets in trouble. He starts to mess with the bullies. Nowadays bullies may wear caps and dress all baggy, but back then they were more of “daddy’s boys”, with their shiny cars and slicked back hair.

First, Jimmy gets into a knife fight with Buzz, one of the bad guys (Judy’s boyfriend, to be more specific), getting slightly injured. Then, he sort of misplaces his brain, and as result he gets really reckless and dumb and enters a game called ‘Chickie Run’. It consisted into stealing a car and driving it towards a cliff; the first one to jump lost and got called a chicken. This game actually ends up killing Jim's opponent, since he got stuck and wasn’t able to jump (I guess this means he won the game; too bad he lost his life).

         Jim, being a good guy at heart, runs home to tell his parents about what happened. And Jim’s parents, being inconsiderate at heart, don’t make it very easy for him. So, as frustrated as a vegetarian in a meat festival, he runs away from home. On his way to nowhere, he bumps into Plato, who is very upset and starts to say whatever comes to his mind, and accidentally admits his love to Jim (I guess, the girls weren’t the only ones crazy about him). At first Jim gets confused, and tells Plato he doesn’t want him back. However, they decide to run away together because of what happened to Buzz. 

         Months go by and Jim starts to look at Plato as more than a friend. And in one hot summer night in Southern Colorado the two boys found love. Years went by and they were no longer running away from town to town. They built a life in Iowa as “adult friends” (since they would have gotten shot if people found out they were gay).

“But didn’t Jim love Judy?”, you ask. Well, children, Judy was never more than a beard.

The Joker,
Sophie Grey

Note: to those who don’t know what a beard is (I’m actually not referring to man’s facial hair), click here: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=beard

Who will be the next world icon?

“It may have happened, it may not have happened but it could have happened.” 
― Mark Twain

Hello kids! How is the underage world these days? I ask because I no longer belong to it.

Yes, I have happily and finally acquired the status of an adult. Although nobody actually sees me as an adult and nobody actually takes me serious, I can rub it in the faces of my underage friends and taste a bit of power.

Being 18 in Europe gives you some perks.

First of all, you can drive. Although the US may think that it’s ok to put 16 year-olds in control of a death machine, here in Europe we like to put to good use our ability to think. And let me tell you, driving gets you places. Literally. Yes, you will also be the unofficial driver amongst your friends, but you can always play the guilt card and get them to do stuff for you (yes, I’m slightly evil, but if you’re just figuring that out now you have no place here).

Besides driving, you can buy whatever you freaking want (as long as it’s legal). Want to leave the country? That’s nobody’s business but yours. Feel like drinking a flaming shot of something that’s basically pure alcohol? You got it! Want some cigars so you’ll look like a sir? Here they are! Want to visit a strip club, a sex shop? Come on in! The possibilities are endless, my friend.

And guess what? That’s where the beauty of it all relies, in the possibilities. Because I know I can leave the country alone and without telling anyone about it, and I know I can go to a strip club, but guess what? I won’t. Because I might be an adult, but my parents don’t think so. So even though I can walk around and brag that I’m 18, I still tremble when I face my parents wrath, just like I did when I was 12.

Also, I may legally be able to do all of the above, but so do my 17-year-old friends in 98% of the cases. Because let’s face it, no one will ask you your ID card, so legally is exactly the key word here. Then I guess that being 18 in not that much different that being 17.

However, before I leave, here’s three cool things to do when you reach majority:

1.    Say: “I can do whatever I want, I’m 18”

2.    Tell one of your friends “You’ll understand when you’re an adult like me” in a condescending tone.

3.    Walk up to an older man or woman and say “Hey there, I’m eighteen and legal, you know”

The Joker,

Sophie Grey

         

“Why do you have to be the same as the others? ...Most of them are stupid.” ― Ken Follett, Winter of the World

Hey cutie pies, what have you been up to?

Let’s get down to business (not that business, clam down) and discuss a matter that affects us all: globalization, yeah!

         Go ahead, say stuff like “Oh no, no, I am not affected by globalization, I have my own culture and blah blah”, as you sip from your Starbucks coffee or your Diet Coke while texting on your smartphone. Truth is, you do get affected, so zip it.

         And now that we’ve established that you are just another sheep in this standardized world (it could be worse, sheep are really cute, especially baby sheep), we should get our thinking caps on and wonder: is globalization good or bad?

         Let’s make the most out of my latent obsessive compulsive disorder and make a list, shall we?

1.    It gave us awesome and delicious food such as pizza, tacos and others (PRO). However, that’s what brought obesity to Europe (CON).

2.    It introduced us to TV shows such as How I Met Your Mother and movies such as Harry Potter, the Lord of the Rings, masterpieces that changed the face of humanity (ups, my nerdiness awesomeness is showing). But…and this is a terrible ‘but’, it poisoned us with shows such as 16 and pregnant and  movies such as District 9 (say what you like, but for me, that movie was as bad as

3.    Through globalization we embraced gorgeous fashion such as the mini skirt, high heels, and studs (which make you feel totally badass). But (yep, another but), we also embraced shoulder pads and leg warmers and bell bottoms (yes, I’m referring to the 80’s, that decade’s fashion should be ashamed of itself)

4.    Don’t get me started on the music!! On the one hand, performers such as Queen, The Beatles, Bon Jovi, Adele. And on the other hand…you have the peak of human stupidity with Nicky Minaj, Justin Bieber and One Direction. Their music gives people cancer.

So far we have a pro for each con. I could continue but the pattern would repeat itself. So, kids, what did we learn today? That globalization can’t be classified as good or bad, it’s just as everything in life. Oh my, look at me so philosophical, I should have my own TV show (and it would certainly be better than crap like Toddlers and Tiaras. I wonder if USA’s social services are still functioning).

         Your role, as a regular citizen is to fight the brutalities and to enjoy the wonders that come from globalization.

         My job here is done, I should go, my people needs me!

The Joker,

Sophie Grey

        

«I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his career»

-Mark Maron

      Hi there, this is Sophie, and I’m back to provide you your weekly dose of that sweet, sweet madness.

      Today, I’m here to speak to you about human rights, and as such, I was supposed to choose a personality. Well, I say that everyone else can keep their Martin Luther King, Ghandi, Mandela, Mother Theresa, Obama and Santa Claus, because I have chosen to interview the most famous human rights activist ever. Hold on to your hats, because this is the second coming of our savior: Jesus Christ super star.

      You’re probably wondering how I got this interview. Well, let’s just say that I moved a few strings, called in some favors, and long story short, my people got in touch with his people, and we finally met in a lovely café. This is how it went:

“Hello Mr. Christ, thank you for coming; it’s a pleasure to have you here with me.

You’re welcome; please call me Jesus, hon.

First of all, I’d like to ask you, do you consider yourself a human rights activist?

Of course, I think that my extreme awesomeness obligates me to protect everyone, especially those who are weaker. I mean, not everyone can be the savior of all mankind and still have this luscious brown hair. Am I right?

Well, but how do you feel about those who are called heretics?

I have nothing against them. As I see it, this is pretty much like children and Santa. The children who believe get presents, the other ones don’t. Except that in this case, the non believers are not passing on a scooter or a Barbie that comes with its own car, their passing on eternity in heaven. And let me tell you, in Heaven, there are unicorns, pizza and nobody says stupid stuff like ‘YOLO’. Since they won’t enjoy all that, I think that’s just another reason so we should all be nice to them down here on Earth.

And what is your opinion towards all the different races?

I’m all for equality, I love everyone. In fact, I taught everyone on Heaven the choreography to Gangnam Style, and I even allowed Morgan Freeman to play me in Bruce Almighty, he’s like my brother from another mother. I respect all of my daddy’s creations.

How about women?

I must apologize to all men, but let’s face it, they’re the one who spice things up in life. Plus, they have the power to conceive, multitask and all that. Yeah, I like the ladies.

The next question, Jesus, may be somewhat delicate. A lot has been said and done about this, but I’d like to know your exclusive opinion on homosexuality.

Ah, thank you for asking that, Sophie. I want human race to consider this: if I was a homophobe, do you think I would have made Matt Bomer so good looking, or Neil Patrick Harris so awesome? And for all of those saying that “it is Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”… I just have to say that making it rhyme won’t make you look less like a jerk. Don’t like gay marriage? Don’t get gay married.

Strong words Jesus, strong words. Following up, some of my readers asked that you would speak of miracles such as you turning water into wine, and walking on water.

Well…that was a long time ago. I was just a teenager and frankly my dad got pretty pissed about those things. The truth is that turning water into wine was a dare from St. Peter, and I only walked on water to impress a girl. I mean, all she spoke of was how awesome Moses was…and I’m way cooler than him. Sure he parted the red sea, but he wouldn’t have to do it if he could walk on water.

Concluding, would you like to leave a final message to everyone out there?

Yes. Treat everyone equal and eat your vegetables. Even the brussels sprouts, don’t discriminate.”

      I must say that after this interview I really felt inspired. That was, until I realized that Jesus had stolen my purse and that that beardy, hairy guy wasn’t Jesus Christ and was probably just a schizophrenic that went off his meds. However, although his mind wasn’t in the right place, his heart certainly was, so I think we can all learn a lesson from Fake Jesus.

      Whenever you’re fighting for equality, do what you have to do, remember: God impregnated a virgin, if He’s not playing by the rules, neither should you.

      This week’s assignment is almost over. But, once again, I have to thank two people. First of all, a special thank you to Poison Ivy, who reads through my weekly shenanigans without complaining. And last but not least, I’d like to thank the sweetest, most annoying guy ever, who actually inspired me to write this. Thanks S.

The Joker,

Sophie Grey