Eloquence is logic on fire

- Lyman Beecher

Today I’d like to discuss a certain kind of man. There are many kinds of men: the womanizer; the nerdy one, the guy that’s always in the friendzone (let’s have a moment of silence for these ones) and many others. But the kind of man I’m referring to is the one that knows his way around words and can basically talk his way out of any situation. He’s the kind of man your mom warned you about.

      The movie Elizabeth, the Golden Age has a man like this. Ladies and gentleman, lets give it up for Sir Walter Raleigh. This guy is charming and he knows it! And yes, the fact that he isn’t at all bad looking also acts in his favour. He works with mommy and daddy gave him and he does it well! How many men could be welcomed in the Queen’s court as a pirate? How many men could make that Queen fall in love with them? How many men could turn the Queen down and then impregnate and marry her maid (yes, in that order, they didn’t fool me)? And even after all that crap he pulled, his kid still got Elizabeth’s blessing. That eloquent bastard! He’s the man we love to hate.

      Walter Raleigh offered Elizabeth potatoes (POTATOES for crying out loud!), and made it sound like an exquisite offer! He enchanted women (and some men too, I bet) with his description of the New World. That was a mind blowing, earth shaking, heart breaking speech. To me, this was a turning point in the movie. Raleigh is no longer a pirate with a smart mouth and a potato fetish. He went through an upgrade. With that speech, he became a sexy mysterious, adventurous explorer. He gained credibility. Have you noticed the way Raleigh speaks? The way he whispers and pauses in all the right moments? There’s a certain kind of magic (not entirely sure if caused by alcohol or not) in the way he sees the New World. “Can you imagine what it is to cross an ocean? For days you see nothing but the horizon, perfect and empty”. And the way he slipped nudity into the speech? “Pray for a fair wind and hope. Pure, naked, fragile, hope...” The movie enthusiasts may go on and on about how the adjective naked symbolizes the wholesomeness of Raleigh’s hope in the unknown and all that, but I just think he’s very clever. Way to go Walter! (Round of applause) You successfully planted the seed of desire in the Queen’s heart, so now you’re free to have sex with the woman she trusted the most... Seriously, did you really think that was ok? What an idiot...

            Anyway, you can see for yourself how much of a delightful idiot this man is. He’s nice to keep around if you want to have a little fun and make the best of it. Because what can anyone say? Even the Queen of England had needs (I’m not entirely sure I can mention this kind of thing in an academic blog, but what the heck). However, be careful not to fall in love with him, since that’s what happened to our poor friend Lizzie, the Queen. Her life was tough, but not as much as they want us to believe. Sorry England, I don’t really think she died as a virgin, because even royalty needs to blow off some steam. And the English royalty is known for doing it like no one else. Isn’t that right prince Harry? How do you like billiards now? I bet grandma is disappointed. In her time, what happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas.

            Well, enough trashing on the English royalty; this is it for this week. As a closing, off topic comment, I must say that – SURPRISE, SURPRISE- my teacher is NOT the only one reading my blog! Yes, I was as stunned as you are. But then again, no one would know that people visit this online corner of joy and delight due to the number of comments I have. How many are there really? Oh yes, zero. I have the best readers in the world, don’t I?

           

The Joker,

Sophie Grey